New Year, Old You?

For most of us, the idea of reinvention is an irresistible draw, and no greater opportunity for total transformation presents itself as reliably as the New Year. Marketers have been onto us for years, promising that we can have new bodies, new lives, forget our messy past and invent a brand new shiny future. Meanwhile, we’re talking about the difference between a Thursday and a Friday. Any other two days would not carry such weight (or promises of weight-loss!) and import.

I’m an absolute believer in the examined life, in making changes, in letting go of behaviors or attitudes that stop us from understanding ourselves on a deeper level than the size of our thighs. Yoga asks us to be unwavering in our attention to ourselves, not to become obsessive navel-gazers, but to step forward into our lives with a deep understanding of how our actions, words and even thoughts can impact the world around us.

But with all the emphasis on looking forward at this time of year, it’s tempting to sweep past behaviors under the rug and pretend they’re over and done with. Many years ago, I worked as an assistant to a writer, and one day she asked me to mail a copy of one of her books to someone. My desk was piled high with papers, other assignments and tasks, and the parcel soon got lost underneath it all. Every now and then I would remember it, and try to remind myself to deal with it, but in time I completely forgot that it was even there. Months later, my boss came into my office and saw a corner of the parcel sticking out from under a stack. It had been, of course, unbelievably important that the book be sent, and my error had caused a ripple effect of problems.

You may be saying to yourself “but that was a simple mistake, not done on purpose,” which is absolutely true, and also often the case in life. My point here is not about the assignment of blame, but of the value of looking backwards as well as forwards. Becoming stronger, deeper, more connected people does not come from hiding past actions under a pile of distractions, but from pulling them out, dusting them off, and taking the next correct action to fix the situation as best as we can. Running away, or hiding from the past does not make it go away, and if anything we’re more likely to behave the same way the next time we’re in the same situation. Not only that, but we’re likely to keep encountering the same situation until we figure out a better solution.

With that in mind: Look forward! Be optimistic! Set goals! Make things happen! But this year, maybe take a few moments to ruminate on where you’ve been, not just where you’re going.

“Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness. When change is absolute there remains no being to improve and no direction is set for possible improvement: and when experience is not retained, as among savages, infancy is perpetual. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” – George Santayana